Buy peace today! It’s fast, it’s cheap, and it never breaks!
Microsoft agreed to block the words “democracy” and “freedom” on its new internet portal in China – in accordance with its principle of respecting local laws.
Five inmates were killed in riots in a jail in Brazil – their severed heads were displayed on stakes on the jail’s roof.
In India, a woman’s arm was cut off for protesting child marriage. They say she’s lucky she raised it when she did.
“Then we tell them that meth causes your brain to shrink – which it really does – they don’t believe that either.”
Smokers worldwide are now the youngest they have ever been. Nine year olds beg and steal to support habits. The grown ups are too busy supporting their own.
In Nairobi, a bitch foraging for food found an abandoned baby which it carried across a highway to its own litter.
Out in the west, a cowboy woke up, saw the hollering Indians, and shot himself in the leg.
They fetched him and locked him up but Smith and Wesson got him out and gave him a medal for boosting their production. He now comes with a statutory warning stamped: Hazardous to health. His sales have shot up overnight.
The Indian wedding party broke up when the ambulance ran over the bride.
In Thailand, minutes before the tsunami struck, elephants on the beaches panicked and fled to higher ground, saving the lives of the tourists riding them.
Refugee camps overflowed in Atlantis, as a million suntanned legs, straw hats and sarongs disappeared.
A billion freed bikinis seized the chance and fled back to the homeland: a very colourful, polka dotted, striped atoll emerged as a new economic superpower.
A new word entered our disaster dictionary
The tiger disappeared in Sariska, and Japan announced plans to expand its whaling industry.
Elsewhere:
Michael Jackson was let off and gave thanks for never having been a rapper. (And that’s not a typo)
But at least, they say, the millennium bug was a hoax.
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